


Pieces

by AccessTrinity



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Gen, Lots of Angst, Post-mentions, Regrets, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9089155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccessTrinity/pseuds/AccessTrinity
Summary: Victory often comes at a price and in the aftermath of Grand Order, the Forty-Eighth Master finds herself picking up the pieces and trying to find a way to move on with her life in the aftermath of saving the world after losing those precious to her. ((Final Singularity Spoiler, slight AU)).





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Fate Grand Order. I only own this plot and the character's personality and design.

Victory never felt so hollow.

History was restored and humanity ultimately saved, but I couldn't bring myself to celebrate the momentous occasion. Not when victory had come at such a steep cost that made me question whether saving the world was worth it. But just as soon as those thoughts entered my head, I dismissed them immediately. I was being selfish. In the grand scheme of things, the cost was very minor compared to what was hanging in the balance. The only reason that it tormented me was because...

Was because the cost ended up being personal.

A small part of me couldn't help but be resentful as well as hypocritical over that fact. I had watched ordinary citizens be cut down on the spot for no reason other than being there without batting an eye, but once I saw someone I knew die right in front of me it was suddenly unacceptable?

It hurt so goddamned much.

I was no optimist and I did not waste my time on idealism. I often lived by the saying of 'no sacrifice, no victory'. Don't get me wrong; when I say that it did not mean I was willing to sacrifice every person I saw for something as stupid as the end justifies the means. It meant that I was resigned to the fact that sacrifices were a necessity no matter how much I balked at the term or were just plain unavoidable in the long run.

You couldn't save everyone.

_But that didn't mean I couldn't try or wish that I could have saved them all._

Everything was a jumbled mess as my thoughts whirled in my head. I got the impression that my mind was just going around in circles, that my thoughts were just repeating themselves over and over so much that I could no longer tell if I had already went over something or not. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. If I already had, it was soon forgotten about and everything just went full circle again. I didn't dwell on it too much.

My mind drifted in and out of reality constantly, sometimes aware, sometimes not at all.

Time passed by me as the sky changed from light to dark, but I couldn't keep track of just how much was by passing me. I couldn't be bothered to get up and answer my door despite how many people knocked, asking if I was alright or if I needed something or telling me that I needed to eat. I was expecting the more boisterous and obnoxious inhabitants to just burst into my room loudly and kidnap me, but none had come though I suspect that that there were a few threats here and there to keep them in line though.

That did not mean I had some guests from time to time. Probably to check that I was still alive and not hanging from a ceiling, though I don't know why they bothered. After they caught me with the scissors, my room had been thoroughly went through and proofed to make sure that I couldn't harm myself in any way, much less kill myself (but I wouldn't do that because it would mean that what they did for me would be negated and I couldn't do that...)

Speaking of people coming into my room...

I heard the door to my room slide open, followed by the tap of high heeled boots across the floor as someone walked towards me. I didn't bother addressing or seeing who the person was- only few people actually visited me these days and I had become familiar with the sound of theirs gait that just listening to them walk was enough to identify whoever decided to drop in. Though to be honest, even if it wasn't them I still probably would not have turned around.

"Raine, you still haven't left your room?" There was disapproval in their voice as well as exhaustion. It was Da Vinci. "They're going to be here again soon. I know you don't want to deal with them (who would), but the Clocktower Association is not going to take 'no' for an answer about what happened."

I could feel the guilt creep in at the absolutely exhausted tone in her voice. I should have been helping her, but instead I was throwing a self-pity party for myself, even if everyone told me not to help and just get some rest. The world may have been saved, but it was far from over. Turns out that despite humanity being annihilated and time a complete mess because of a 3000 year old plan in the making, an entire year had passed and , _everyone on the planet was aware of that fact_. That meant, of course, that the _super secret organization of magi_ were in an uproar and were sending over an entire team to Chaldea to investigate

While I hadn't dealt with mages from the Clocktower Association, I already had an inkling of what they were going to be like from the other Masters who were supposed to participate before everything went to hell. Prideful, jealous, petty and selfish people who were always looking for an opportunity to put themselves ahead of others. All of the magi who were from the noble families or those who were hoping to earn prestige in participating in Chaldea's Project had greedy glints in their eyes that spoke of not being altruistic but trying to twist things so that things benefit themselves or their families in the long run or for bragging rights.

Everything about their very nature disgusted me. They were qualities I absolutely despised rolled into one population.

Reinforcing my suspicions, many of the servants under my command who had personal experience in their old lives dealing with those from the Clocktower or who had Masters from previous wars associated with them had warned me that the coming investigation and any interaction with the Magi was not going to be a pleasant experience. They were not afraid to tell me that magi were far from being above sabotage, blackmail, murder, and whatever means to get what they want. While they always looked for opportunity to get the upper hand on their peers, anyone who a magus deemed a threat would be taken care of one way or another.

It did not take a genius to know that there were many people who would not take the fact that I had over fifty Servants under my control very well. They would not accept it and would do everything in their power to make sure that I no longer had ANY Servants under my control or would try to control ME. Not that I could blame them for either wanting to eliminate or use me; one servant was more than enough to take on a human army. Having over fifty of them? If I wanted to, I could easily take over the world with my own army of legends, myths, demi-gods, and deities (even if they were extremely depowered).

But despite the impending threat of being detained by the magi and perhaps executed, I couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted nothing to do with Magi games or politics.

"I know." My voice was flat and void of emotion as I said this. "I'll come out when they arrive and refuse to leave, but in return I would prefer it if I be left alone."

I was well aware that everyone from the surviving staff of the original Chaldea team to the Servants were concerned about me. I felt bad for making them worry about me, but at the same time I was...

...exhausted.

I was tired, I suspected, of everything.

Of keeping up a strong front. Of being the one everyone depended on. Of being who kept everyone in check. Of being the one who everyone turned to get things done. Of opening up to people only to have them taken away from me. Of just everything in general.

And lastly, much to my extreme shame, of living. That last thought filled me with self-loathing as I was fully aware that I wanted to throw away what both Mashu and... Roman wanted so much and strongly cherished. Something that many people took for granted because it never occurs to them that death may just one day snuff out their lives without so much as a warning.

But I had lived for too long. I was not immortal, but I was an unnatural entity who probably should have never existed. Or would have never existed if higher beings beyond human comprehension had not decided that they needed my soul for an experiment of theirs because of a... fluke.

I heard someone clear their throat loudly before realizing that I was staring into a pair of blue eyes belonging to a dark haired brunette. It was Da Vinci and when did she get in front of me...? Before I could ask what in the world she thought she was doing, she stood up and went behind me. Without so much as a warning, I found myself being yanked backwards as she grabbed the handles of my wheelchair and wheeled me in front of a mirror.

"Alright, that's enough of that!" She announced as a hairbrush materialized in her hand and she started running its bristles through silver strands. "I understand the need for being alone, but right now it's not doing you any good! You need to speak to others, not dwell on your regrets and negative emotions!"

My hands clenched the armrests of my wheelchair. Yes, because speaking to someone had went so well last time. I couldn't remember much of what happened, but I knew that there was a lot of screaming from my end.

Da Vinci must have seen the expression on my face because she let out a long sigh as she started braiding a segment of my hair carefully.

"I know that Mashu and Roman's-" I braced myself for what she was about to say, a grimace on my face as I knew where this was going to go. "-what happened to them hit you hard. The three of you were very close and they were the first ones you opened your heart to- no." Da Vinci shook her head as she corrected herself. "They were the ones who slowly got you to open your heart to them and eventually to others as well."

What was she getting at? I knew they were _gone_. I had watched Mashu disintegrate right in front of me from an attack that would have destroyed everything in it's path as she used the last of her strength to protect me. And then before I had... a chance to recover from that... Roman... Solomon... had used his final Noble Phantasm to give me the chance to take down the demons that were using his original body for their schemes at the cost of his very existence and erasing himself from the Throne itself.

The only thing I had left of them was Mashu's shield and Roman's ID.

As well as the memories we had together.

"But you aren't the only one who misses them." Da Vinci's voice was so soft that I nearly didn't hear her. "We miss them too."

Her voice sounded so wistful that I couldn't bring myself to say a thing. What could I say? She had known Mashu and Roman longer than I had and was probably the only other person I knew who was hurting from the fact that they were... no longer around. And like everyone else, I suspected that she had feelings for the latter no matter how many times she had shut him down. She had been the only one who knew Roman's true identity... as well as the only one who he could truly confide in as well. Even now I found it difficult to acknowledge that the awkward dork who worshipped an online idol named _Magi Mari_ was the actual Solomon, the Real King of Magic rather than the demons who had inhabited his corpse for over three millennia.

She was the only one left who had been at Chaldea near the beginning. If there was anyone who deserved to curl up in a ball and refuse to come out of their room, it was her. But instead, she was the one getting everything back in order after the defeat of the True Villain in place of Roman as well as myself since the Final Singularity had pretty much left me wheelchair bound for a while. I barely made it back from Solomon's collapsed temple and even then I had come back with some serious injuries from the fist fight I had with Ars Goetia.

"And we're worried about _you_."

"Hm?" I didn't expect her to say that. I made it out alive, didn't I? That was more that can be said for both Mashu and Roman who were disintegrated and erased from existence in that order.

Da Vinci sighed _again_.

"Everyone at Chaldea knows that Designation Grand Order has been hard on you and that Roman and Mashu's fates were the last straw." Da Vinci let go of my finished braid and stroked my cheek tenderly. "Even after saving humanity with determination that would put most people to shame, we all knew that you would not come out of this unscathed."

"Isn't it enough that I'm here breathing and talking to me?" I said bitterly.

Over the past few... however long had passed, I had been reassuring people that I was fine and I would like to be left alone, thank you very much. But whenever I told them that a look of disbelief would always cross over their face and they would ask if I was sure as if I had hesitated or stumbled in conversation when I answered their question the first time. It was beginning to get old and eventually I just stopped talking to them because I didn't want to keep answering the same thing over and over.

But rather than getting the hint of giving me some time to myself, they instead decided to set up a fucking guard inside my room, meaning that I would not be left alone at all. I let them know quickly how much I did not appreciate that through screaming at the people who volunteered to watch me. And then some, but I really did not want to get into what I did for them to... compromise.

There was a long silence before Da Vinci exhaled loudly.

"I think it's better if you look in the mirror to see why we all worry about you."

Before I could say or do anything, the once famous artist carefully jerked my head up and forced me to look at my own reflection. When I met my own gaze, I couldn't help but pause at what I saw as my eyes critically observed my own reflection. It was one thing to know that you felt dead inside and that you could not bring yourself to give a damn about anything more, just struggling to breathe and maintain your physical shell and ensure that you did not waste away. It was another to actually see it for yourself.

My brown eyes were glazed over and dull and there was absolutely no sign of life in them. I could also tell that I had gotten thinner, though not quite to the point that I looked like something straight out from a horror film or a psychological thriller. My hair lacked its usual... lustre. And my posture was... well... I guess if I could sum up how I looked, it would be that I looked horrible. I had guessed that I was far from appearing healthy, but I didn't realize I resembled some sort of broken doll or a catatonic patient.

She didn't need to tell me. I was alive, but for all I looked I might as well not be.

"We're not expecting you to be okay." Da Vinci's voice was calm and level. "Nor does anyone expect you to 'get over' this in any capacity. If anything, they understand that this is something that will stay with you for the rest of your life. After all, the life of a hero is often full of hardship, regrets, and tragedy."

Before I could stop myself, I laughed. The laughter was jagged and broken and I soon found myself wheezing and out of breath in pain.

"Hero?" My voice cracked. "Is that what they're calling me?"

Because I sure as hell did not feel like a hero. Mashu and Roman were the true heroes in the end; the ones who had sacrificed everything, who had given up everything, to bring back the future and to bring back humanity. I was just along for the ride, powerless to do nothing but stand back since Servants outclassed humans in every aspect.

This time Da Vinci did not say anything. She just pulled my hair into a ponytail before using the braid she had worked on earlier to wrap it around the base of the tail. Then she pulled me away from the mirror and pushed me towards the door while my hands tightly held onto the armrests like they were a lifeline.

"Everyone has been wanting to see you. Let's go put their worries to rest, alright?"

And without so much as whether I agreed to that idea or not, she pushed me out of my room and into the brightly lit halls of the facility.

**Author's Note:**

> Long hours of typing and I am done. Done! I have to say that the Final Singularity had so many feels in it, some that made me bawl and some that made me think 'what the hell'. But all in all I absolutely loved it and I just had to type this down. Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but looks like this is not the case. Hopefully I will be able to finish this.
> 
> Just to let you know, I am not a high level student of Nasuverse and how things operate. So this is mostly concentrating on the emotional reactions of those involved, not so much on the mechanics of what had happened- something I am still looking up and trying to understand. Seriously, Nasuverse in my opinion is HARD to get a grip on. I'm trying, but, uh, yeah... not easy to study.
> 
> As I'm sure, some of you can tell that this is an AU as a certain someone stays dead and is not revived deus ex machnina. As much as I love Mashu, her resurrection via Fou (Four) [and that is a whole other spoiler] cheapened her sacrifice in my eyes. Seriously. Or maybe I am too firmly Clampverse in which once someone is dead, they stay dead and you can never bring them back least you threaten universal order and countless worlds to try and achieve THAT.
> 
> So yes, Mashu is dead and Fou is still the beast. However, that does not mean Mashu is permanently erased from existence... after all, her sacrifice wasn't on the same level as a certain other someone.
> 
> And the protagonist is a total mess. There are hints as to why, vague as they are, and just because going through what she has and witnessing the two people you were closest to you die the way they did would probably make anyone mental. Cut them some slack. And even then, even if she moves on, this would still scar her for life big time.
> 
> Anyways, I hope to see you guys the next update. Until then, review and tell me what you think.


End file.
